Are you dating an emotionally immature person? Here are signs


Dating an emotionally immature person can leave you confused, stressed and exhausted. While such people may get attached to you easily, they may not be able to understand your emotions well, considering they are struggling with their own too. Their inability to process their own emotions could prove to be a hurdle in developing a strong bond with a person they want to share their life with. (Also read: Are you in a long distance relationship? Here’s how to keep that spark alive)

Emotionally immature people may appear selfish or aloof because they form a cocoon around themselves to avoid a difficult conversation. They may find it difficult to take even constructive criticism and insist they are right even when they know they are not. People who are not adept at handling emotions live in the present moment and may not plan for the future. So, if your partner goes silent whenever you ask him/her about your relationship’s future or aren’t really there for you emotionally when you need them the most, it’s time to visit a couple counsellor. (Also read: Why do men and women cheat in a marriage? Here’s what a relationship expert says)

“Dating an emotionally immature person can sap you of energy. They will make it difficult to communicate, will have trouble processing emotions and formulating their communications. The quirkiness and go-with-the-flow attitude will hinder building a healthy relationship,” says Sheetal Shaparia, Life Coach, Astrologer, Tasseographer.

Here are some signs of an emotionally immature person

They have difficultly showing their vulnerable side: These individuals find it tough to express and communicate themselves, they often form a cocoon and get extremely overwhelmed easily. “Sometimes when your partner says they don’t feel anything or nothing bothers them – it just means they are unable to process what is going on inside,” says Arouba Kabir, Mental Health counselor & Founder, Enso Wellness.

They make it about them: Everything is about their wants and needs. They will throw in an ‘I’ at the most inappropriate time and turn the conversation to themselves.

“They find it hard to understand the world doesn’t revolve around them. Be careful if your partner disregards your interests and concerns,” says Shaparia.

You feel lonely even in their company: Arouba Kabir says if your partner is unable to be there for you emotionally or participate in emotionally relevant conversations it can lead you to feel lonely which is a red flag given the fact that we are all desire love when we enter a relationship.

They pull away during stressful times: Kabir explains that one of the signs of an emotionally immature partner is when they aren’t with you when you are going through tough times – when you’re dealing with a health issue, a family crisis, a financial crunch, or simply a mildly disagreeable day at work. The mental health counsellor says this can be a result of their inability to support you during your tough times and instead of helping you by giving you a shoulder, they often suddenly get too busy with life.

Defensiveness: You cannot have a decent conversation without them going off you. They’ll deflect all conversation and blame you for being on their case all the time, says Shaparia.

They take decisions without you: “In a relationship, it’s important to decide things together. However, emotionally immature people frequently make snap decisions without giving them enough time to think about how they may affect you,” says Kabir.

They are never wrong: “They always have excuses for things going wrong. The world is wrong and that is why they did what they did. Everybody is out to get them. Nobody understands them. Because of some issue at work, they have not responded to your calls. They love blaming everyone around them for their poor choices and never own their mistakes,” says Shaparia.

They take decisions without you: Kabir says in a relationship, it’s important to decide things together but emotionally immature people frequently make snap decisions without giving their partner enough time to think about how they may get affected by it.

Ineffective communication: They cannot be open, vulnerable, kind, and honest in their communications about problems in the relationship or other areas of life, says Shaparia.

Unregulated emotions: They are prone to tantrums, hot-tempered, extremely impulsive, and have trouble regulating their emotions when things do not go their way, adds Shaparia.

“Being with an emotionally immature person is definitely a task which requires effort but there are various ways you guys can make it work – visiting a couple counsellor is one of them as often we may not even notice or understand these signs and keep struggling in our own accords,” concludes Arouba Kabir.

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