His/Her story: “I want to have kids now but my wife doesn’t”

His story: I want to have kids now but my wife does not. What can I do to convince her? We have been married for the past 3 years and we are both in our late 20’s and early 30’s and I feel this is the right time to plan a baby. But my wife keeps asking me for time, and tries to explain that we are not ready yet. We have been fighting a lot over this and I frankly don’t understand what is the issue, as what she says sound like excuses to me.

Her story:
My husband and I both have a 9 to 5 job. My husband rightly wants us to start planning for a baby but I think we are not financially ready yet. Education, child care, medical help, everything is so expensive nowadays. Delivery itself will be an exorbitant expense. I think it is important that we first have enough savings before we plan for a baby since only one of us will be able to work after the baby, at least for a year. My husband and his mother keep pushing me for a kid and my husband fights with me everyday. This is very stressful and sometimes I just break down. Please help us solve this issue.

AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment

For Him:

It is great that you wish to have a baby. And if you want to convince your wife that you are capable of taking care of a baby, it’s very easy. First, ask her to stop working and earning and you manage the house independently financially, for a few months. Also, save some funds for your baby. If you can do these, then, great! You are financially ready to have a baby. Having a baby is not an easy task because you are bringing somebody to this world. Your wife will be giving birth. She will be having a tough time.

You have to be able to take care of both of them financially, emotionally and maybe, even physically and give them your time and energy too. It will surely be a happy time for the both of you but it will be filled with responsibilities. Creating unnecessary stress for your wife, forcing her to have a baby will affect her health and do no good, anyway. Remember, it is not your baby alone. It is a baby for the both of you. Your life will change completely after this birth. Thus, both of your opinions matter in this. And you both must be prepared in every way to welcome this new life. Otherwise, it will start affecting your marriage in a negative way. Therefore, communicate your wishes and desires to your wife, along with knowing her opinion on this situation. Take care of her concerns too. Communication is the key to harmony. Live in peace, rather than trying to break your marriage into pieces.

For Her:

When your husband wants to and is insisting on having a baby, you are absolutely right in thinking that unless you both are prepared in every way to take care of a baby, you shouldn’t take this step. A baby is a huge responsibility, not just financially, but emotionally and physically too. There must be communication between the two of you that you can together manage the baby and yourselves. Life is not about just living and having babies. It is a beautiful journey. You must realize the truth of who you are, why you are here, why you have been given this life and the purpose of your life. Communicate your concerns openly to him with patience and kindness. You may also try the spiritual route and make your husband understand that the two of you can be happy even without a baby, till a time that you both are ready to settle down in life. Try to make your life a little bit spiritual and this desire to have a baby without thinking and in a rush, will disappear. Communication is the key to harmony in your married life.

Tannaz Irani, wellness coach at Aanya Wellness:

As a husband, you need to have a plan that when my wife delivers, do I have enough money for the delivery, emergency, education? Do we have enough savings? Everything, when planned, will make your wife feel much better. And it’s so beautiful that your wife is thinking more progressively and she’s thinking about the baby even before the baby is born, she wants everyone to be calm. She wants everyone to think ahead so that if there is any contingency, you are prepared. Sit and communicate because as a parent, you need to be well planned.

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