His/Her story: “My husband spends most of his time in the bathroom”

Her story: My husband comes home late from work and then he spends his time in the bathroom until I call him for dinner. He takes his earphones and tablet inside and that is all he does whenever he is at home. I am also a working woman. I come home just around the time my husband comes. I spend time with the kids, catch up with their day, cook food and he does not even spend time with us. This has started becoming a one way marriage! They are our kids so should he not spend time with them too? Is it all my responsibility? I too get exhausted when I come home but I have never and cannot even think about behaving the way he does. We do not even get time to talk to each other because even during bedtime he sits with his phone until his eyelids drop. Our fights have increased and I am worried that the kids may drift away from their father. Please help.

His story: I love my wife and kids but when I am back from a hectic day at work, all I want to do is relax. I am so exhausted by the time I am back and then the kids are so jumpy, my wife keeps cribbing… I want my personal space so I take my tablet inside the bathroom for a good hour or so until dinner is ready. Why should my wife have issues with my me-time? It is not like I do not care about her or the children… I do sit with them for breakfast, we talk about what’s happening in our lives… What more can I do?

AiR Atman in Ravi –
Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment

For Her: Welcome to the club! It is not just your husband who may be doing this and running away because he believes that he is being nagged by a wife who doesn’t want to give him space and his ‘me-time’. The institution of marriage is not easy and simple. Instead of ‘me’, everything after that becomes ‘we’. The challenge always lies in making the marriage work. The key to making a marriage work effectively is good communication. Calmly and patiently explain to your husband that you want to spend time with him after your hectic and tiring work day, share your thoughts and talk to him, kids need to spend time with him so that their bond gets strong and you all should have a ‘family time.’

Complaining and nagging won’t do any good. You can also express your desire to have your ‘me time’, where the kids will be under their father’s care. Try your best to attract your husband to spend time with you, if that’s also what you want. Complaining and cribbing about the situation will not do any good. Either you take proactive steps to deal with the problem or you live with it.

For Him: If your wife is unhappy that you are not giving enough time to her and the kids, this is not a small issue. It may become a bigger issue and sometimes, even lead to a separation or a divorce, if left unaddressed. Are you ready for it? If you are, then fine. If not, then it is important to be compassionate, kind, understanding and loving. It is understandable if you have a hectic work day and you want to come home and relax. But have you ever thought that your wife would also have had an exhausting work day and once she is back, she also would need her ‘me time’? Instead, she gets on to the household chores, takes care of kids and their homework, cooks meals for all of you. It is natural for her to get a bit irritable. Understand her situation, try to share her responsibilities at home, appease her and see how that transforms her mood. After that, even if you take some time for yourself, she wouldn’t mind.

Marriage is a loving union of two people where everything changes from ‘me’ to ‘we’. But in this hectic world, some ‘me time’ is also important. Communication, sharing your thoughts with your wife in a calm, patient and loving manner and understanding and appreciating each other’s efforts make a marriage successful.

Marriage only works when both husband-and-wife work together towards making it a success. Otherwise, isn’t it common for a marriage to break? Now there are kids. It’s not just the two of you. Think about the kids and make efforts in your relationship.

Nidhi Behl Vats, Founder at storyofsouls:

For her: Screen timing is becoming more of an issue than a boon these days. However, it is up to us how we want to use technology. You will agree to the fact that when mobiles and televisions were not invented, we humans did have other ways to relax.

I believe that if you try to have fun with your family, then it will solve the problem. Kids will be happy, your wife will gradually become happy, and you can have relaxation time too!

For him: As a wife, it is vital to support your hubby and when you want him to support you, try to be diplomatic. You can also have soft challenges that may excite your hubby to pop-in the game that you are playing. Rather than just cribbing, bring that fun element. And even if he doesn’t want to join, you and your kids will have some happy family time.

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